1. dear _____

please don't set your turtle free. your turtle will be an eco-terrorist, as he is almost certainly a red-eared slider, and res are invasive species, of dubious legality, and probably meant for soup. and if your turtle is not native to the ecosystem he is released to/if he was captive from birth, he will probably not know how to fend for himself and will additionally wreak some minimal havoc on his new habitat.

sincerely, me.

( two to five of an epistolary nature )

6. dear all,

happy independence day! bbq your heart out in this alarmingly but pleasantly cool and beautiful weather. and think kindly of mr. jefferson. have a glorious fourth.

love, cassie.